humour

Possibly last post of the blog…

marz

OK, I’m starting to panic, as in really panic, with all this end of the world stuff.

I’m not ready for the end of the world!!! I know, I know, it’s all my fault, for leaving it to the last minute, but you know me, I can’t help it: I normally work better under pressure (hey, it was only last night that I went shopping for presents and finally tidied my house, packed my suitcase, installed some software I needed in the netbook I’m taking with me, charged the battery for my camera and called my parents). This whole end of the world thing is now getting to me. It seemed far, like some joke, but now it’s here, it’s now, and I’m not ready.

You will have to excuse me though, as in my defence, it’s my first end of the world ever, so I have no clue what is supposed to happen and, if you know me at all, you will know by now that I need to have everything under control, or at least have the feeling that I’m in control.

I don’t want to be the only one there, not knowing what’s going on… What if I mess it up? How is this going to work? Do we stand all there, counting down like in New Year’s Eve? Is there some sort of tradition to follow? In Spain we eat grapes in NYE, so maybe there’s something similar?

Are we going to get some sort of reminder? These days I can’t even remember to eat unless I get a notification, or an Outlook 15 minutes reminder… I would hate to miss it. Imagine the situation: I’m just going to pop down to the shop quickly, OK? Does anybody need anything? No? OK, see you in a bit… And there, while I’m choosing which pack of crisps to buy, whether I want a soft drink or a juice, everything happens, and I’m just too focused looking somewhere else!

I’m not even sure how I should prepare, what I need to bring with me. The only words that keep coming back to my head are the wisest of mothers’ advice: “wear clean underwear, just in case” (all the effort these past 30 years, finally something is happening! Mum I hope it will make you proud!!). The only other sentence repeating in my head like a mantra is “don’t forget your toothbrush” because, believe me, I always forget my toothbrush (talking of which, this blog about travelling, Where’s My Toothbrush, is really good!). You probably don’t want to forget your toothbrush in an apocalyptic situation…

What I would really like to know is –  is it going to be a giant meteorite crashing on Earth? Maybe it will be a massive tsunami? I’m guessing the preparations for the first will be different than those from the latter. However, the world would still be existing in either of those cases. So, is it the world that is ending, or just the human race?

I’m probably going to be at the airport when it happens, and that’s going to annoy me a bit. I mean, after all the check-in, security checks and taking my belt off, having forgotten the spare change in my pocket, the almost forgetting my passport on the tray, and all that, just when I get to the fun part (Duty Free), poof! it’s all gone. It doesn’t seem fair… Maybe I should arrive at the airport earlier? Anyway, some people are saying it will happen at 6pm GMT, but there is a general lack of information. Where are all the updates? Where are the government announcements? People seem to be more excited about the first day of sales than on the end of the world day!

I understand, don’t worry. If there’s nothing we can do, then why bother? But people are not rushing out to embrace their loved ones either! Don’t they know? How can the not know? Maybe someone should tell them, spread the news. Or is the government trying to cover it up so that there isn’t a general panic situation?

I was also thinking, what if it happens while I’m on the air? That would be equally awesome and terrifying! On one hand, well, you’re locked in a plane, thousands of feet above ground and suddenly you see… What? Ah, again, lack of information… It would be cool to see some sort of vortex suddenly open up in the sky, maybe like a massive black hole, swallowing everything up! I will definitely have my camera ready, just in case. I know what you’re thinking: what for? It’s the end of the world! Nobody will be able to see the pictures! And you’re right, but maybe some aliens will find the camera and find it cool, maybe I will make it into their history books… Note to self: take some pictures of myself before it all happens, so the aliens can reference me correctly as the author.

Maybe it won’t be anything the sort of The Day After Tomorrow, or Melancholia, or any other film of the sort, maybe it goes all quietly… Maybe all stars will go just off, one at a time (thanks D for the great story yesterday!). Whatever it happens, I so hope there will be zombies!

Spangles, the cross-eyed pirate car

I don’t have any picture of the end of the world yet, but here’s a cute pirate cat! (picture not mine!)

(Spangles, the cross-eyed cat)

Anyway, I’ve started preparing a list of essentials that I need to carry around with me, just in case I survive and I need to… well, survive. I’ve seen a lot of films about the topic, and being the last human on Earth and all that, so I think I’m well prepared (and yes, I did remember my toothbrush!)

It will probably be a big nothing, and we will all be disappointed in the end… Especially all those brands that have made End of the World editions… Does that mean they won’t do any more editions, ever?!

If anything happens, though, I would like to send a message to all of you reading me, those who love me and those who don’t.

To those who love me, it will be fine, tomorrow the sun will shine again and we will all laugh about this. To the haters, I hope the end of the world catches you in the toilet!

Finally, an additional note here… Last year my calendar finished on 31st December… I didn’t think the world would end then, I just got to the store and bought a new one for 2012!

Happy End of the World to Everyone!!

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