For the first time in ages, I don’t feel like writing here. The thought is slightly worrying: this is what I do, I write on my blog. Of course, I do other things too, but yeah, you know what I mean.
So when I sat in front of my computer to start writing, nothing. It’s not as if I don’t have a topic to write about, I actually have a few in mind, but I just don’t feel like writing about any of them. I started writing a massively long post about letting go, but in the end I thought “meh” and stopped.
This is my 92nd post in this blog, and I guess it might be one of those mid-life crisis situations. Is it worth it? Do people actually care? If I write down things that I never publish, wouldn’t it be more worth it to just keep a notebook around?
I know of a couple of people that care, but I have daily conversations with them everyday anyway, so they’ve already heard about anything I publish here before I do so.
Maybe it’s just the effort of writing the content. I think when I write, and I choose topics that mean something to me, which sometimes can be draining. Maybe I should just re-blog funny cat pictures or post quotes and memes and get done with it. I can’t really do that though, that’s not really why I’m doing this.
I guess blogging started as a means of letting things out. This is not my first blog, I had one at university, which didn’t last for long. After, I created another one, but I couldn’t really find my voice in it. I stopped blogging for a long time. Those blogs were mainly for myself, but the idea of having my thoughts out there in the open wasn’t that appealing at the time. I started this blog… Well, I don’t really know why I started this one. I guess I had something to say, something to share with all of you.
Since I published my first post on 3rd January 2012 some things have changed. I don’t publish much about photography (mainly because I doubt the quality of my photographs) and I haven’t published any drawings either (again, mainly because I can’t draw!) but the main concept has stayed more or less the same. So now I wonder… Have I run out of things to say?
Every time I publish a new entry, I avidly check the stats to see whether people are reading my posts, how many clicks I have, whether I have any new followers… My best ever day had 82 visits (coincidentally, that was about a week after my first post). Many times, I am lucky if one or two people read it. It’s fine, I guess, even if a bit disheartening.
So, fast forward to the present, and here I am, on my 92nd post, struggling to keep up the spirit. I consider myself a positive, happy person. I think I’m quite reasonable and tolerant. I make myself see things through other people’s eyes, to understand others’ points of view and I am always trying to support and help those around me. However, when all is said and done, I go back home and sometimes I can feel a small nagging at my core. Don’t get me wrong, everything I do, I do gladly and expecting nothing in return. When I offer my hand, I’m not expecting a future favour. It makes me happy to make people smile.
I guess I would like to know whether I have actually helped someone. Call me selfish if you may, but I wonder if the energy I send out to the world actually affects something or whether it falls on a bottomless pit.
I know what you’re thinking… You’re thinking I am now going to ask you for feedback, to like the post, write a comment, send me an email or anything like that. I am not going to. This isn’t a call for feedback, that’s something you should do if you feel like doing, this is a call to think.
Think about those around you, and if someone is making your life easier, or if someone has put a smile on your face recently, let them know. They might be fighting a battle themselves and maybe are just looking for someone to put a smile on their face too.