just random stuff, life

I’m back!

I am back, not that I wanted to, but nevertheless (yup, one word), here I am.

It feels like ages ago since I was doing my usual, daily stuff and being today my first day back at work in a while, I can say that I wish I was still on holidays. Not necessarily in Madrid, just off. I’ve been feeling quite crappy for the past week or so (closer to two weeks now), and I’m quite fed up of being tired and down. Today, I was chatting with a friend at work and I told him that I’m a bit fed up with the universe. I’ll admit that it’s a bit of an exaggeration, but it’s an honest one. Universe, give me a damn break, please!

If I think it rationally, it’s very true that I’m not suffering from starvation (no matter how hungry I’m feeling right now, which is a lot, I know it’s not a real issue), that I have a roof above my head (even if it’s mouldy in places), and that I have a job (even when it stresses me) that pays my bills (which are many, unfortunately). If I think it rationally. Unfortunately, when I feel down, I don’t care about thinking rationally, the world hates me and that’s that.

My main problem is, and has always been (and probably will always be), lack of patience.

Take my health issues. I know I’m (supposedly) getting better, but it’s taking ages. It seems it needs to get worse before it gets better, and I’m at the worst part right now. I can’t deal with it. The constant tiredness, the migraines, and the overall I’ve-had-enough-of-this-for-the-past-few-years feeling. I want a specific date when things will be better, because it’s driving me crazy.

It seems that people can’t live without love, and we all feel miserable when that’s the one thing missing in our lives. If I were brave enough, I would say screw love (pardon my French), but I know I would regret it even before the words had finished coming out of my mouth. However, health is much more important. Even if it’s just a cold, feeling like your body is failing you is horrible. When you feel fine, you’re on top of the world, you feel unbeatable and you can tackle anything. Tight deadlines at work? Meh, bring it on! Lack of a love interest? Whatever, look at the many fish in the ocean. No money? Let’s catch up on our reading! Whatever, you can do it. And then one day, you feel weak, and ill, and maybe feverish… You have the flu (dun, dun, dunnn) and that’s it, you’re done with life, pretty much. Everything is wrong, everyone hates you, you hate everyone and everything… but mostly everyone hates you, including the universe.

I can’t deal with the flu very well… At least not with high temperatures which, let me tell you, happen very often to me, but that’s OK. It happens. It’s a week or so that you feel sick, and then you get better (if you’re overall healthy). Migraines, on the other hand, I can’t deal with that. Feeling tired, I also can’t deal with it. Feeling like I really want to go for a run or to the gym, knowing that my mind would clear off from work or other worries, and knowing I physically can’t. That sucks.

So I’m fed up with being ill, unhealthy or whatever you may want to call it, especially when the only thing that really appeals to me at the moment is sleeping (and maybe eating, but only when I’m feeling dizzy from hunger, because eating implies a previous effort to cook).

Since I came back from my holidays in Madrid, I’ve only gone out one day (Saturday, let me say I did have a lot of fun), and I went briefly to the shop downstairs to buy some essentials, put a washing machine (my clothes still smell like cigarettes, I’m afraid, even after being washed), and then I’ve spent my weekend sleeping or watching series… in bed. I’m dreading volunteering at the house this weekend, or being at a trade show for two full days next week.

I know, I know, I’m being whiny. I’m just in one of those moods…

OK, I’ll stop now! Right, let’s do some positive writing quickly.

I’ve started writing a post about Fight Club, but my brain has been too fried to finish it. To be honest, I think I’ve written two paragraphs, before losing my focus (if you find it, can you let me know?). In the meantime, I’ve finished the following book club book, The Girl Who Saved The King Of Sweden (what’s with the super long book titles, by the way? Why is it a trend these days? It takes forever to type something like that, especially in a review!), so I’ll have to write about that one too. My goal is to publish Fight Club on Wednesday, and the other review next week. If I’ve promised anything different lately, please ignore previous promises. This one is the good one!

I’m now reading Yes, Please, by Amy Poehler.

Also, I wanted to write about a film or two I’ve watched recently, that I found interesting… And hopefully before I forget about them!

Sam’s hat is still as I left it, ages ago. Maybe I’ll bring my knitting stuff to the house this weekend, since it seems I only need to do the night shift and won’t have to be running around all day.

While in Madrid, I baked. If you follow me on Instagram, you have probably seen the pictures already (if you don’t follow me there yet, do it! Make me happy!). I baked some vegan cookies (made some un-vegan adjustments, for lack of ingredients), and also an all-time favourite cake (namely, a cake I’ve only done once before), the Chocolate & Caramel Ombre Cake.
All for my mum’s birthday, all were a hit. The cookies were a bit harder than intended, but the taste was great. For the cake, I also had to improvise because of lack of ingredients, but it also tasted amazing (it was a bit drier this time).
I also decorated the cake by sprinkling some edible gold dust, and then made a cake topper (which took me a whole day to cut out of cardboard, by the way).

I love this cake… It’s so relatively easy to make, and so yummy, and everyone loves the ombre effect when you cut it open! Even when I make it, and I’m no cake expert!

Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to make the harem pants (or to bake more!) as we were visiting family and I met with a couple of friends, but maybe next time.

I think, as a post to announce my return, I’m pretty much done. I think I’m going to lie down now and watch an episode of one of my series, maybe even have a nap. Maybe I’ll eat first…

So take care, and I’ll see you again on Wednesday!