You know what makes me happy? When I come up with an idea and people seem genuinely interested in it, not from a selfish point of view, but from a social point of view, if that makes sense.

On Wednesday I mentioned that I was creating a knitting club at work (the Knit Squad). For over a week, I’ve been knitting like crazy to have samples ready, working on a slide to promote it, and a poster/email to launch it. I’ve been looking at yarns and needles to order for the people joining in.

I’ve also been working on some handouts so people can practise their knitting at home, following easy instructions. I’ve been refreshing my memory watching some useful tutorials (cable stitch, anyone?) and I’m pretty much focusing a lot of my free time on this project. Yes, that is correct, I’m working on it on my spare time!

Only last night, I couldn’t sleep and I decided to work on the handouts, from bed, at 1am. Talk about obsession dedication.

Today, I finally launched the knitting club, and sent the first email to announce it. I wasn’t expecting any attention, so I walked to the kitchen to get some water. On my way there, I could see my design in lots of screens, which always makes me sort of nervous (that, and sending emails to the whole office, that always terrifies me!).

When I got back to my desk, my inbox was filled with emails about the knitting club. A bunch of people wanted to sign up, and others simply wanted to let me know how cool they thought it was, even if they couldn’t make it.

Being a bit vain, I’m quite happy people are keen to take part, since I’m dedicating a lot of time to this, but it’s not only that. As I’ve said before, I like teaching and sharing my knowledge, even when I’m no expert on the topic. The fact that a bunch of people are interested in learning something I can help them with, makes me very happy.

I am looking forward to Tuesday now, I really want the Knit Squad to be a cool, creative gang. To be honest, I don’t have high expectations of this, I actually expect people will drop off and return to their normal lives once the club is not shiny any more. We will probably end up being just a couple of people, but that’s also cool, I can work with that!

Now, there’s a problem. My fear of rejection combined with my stage fright and fear of disappointing others, combined with my “impostor syndrome” are making me nervous about this. There is quite a few people that can be disappointed. What if I can’t teach them? What if my skills are not enough?

One way of improving something you’re learning is to teach it to others, as it helps you look into it in more detail and makes you understand it better and study it more. This is me, levelling up my life and trying to get better at this (both knitting and life), so I’m hoping it will work.

I want them to enjoy at least the first session and think it’s cool, if only so that they come back! I’m also hoping they will soon feel confident enough to want to share photos of their projects, to knit for charity, and maybe even to move to a different venue, like a pub, where people will see them in action, and they will still feel comfortable knitting.

On another hand, somewhat deep down, I know I can totally pull this off, and be awesome at it (here’s the vanity, after all). I’m feeling that sort of fear that only comes from thrill and anticipation, like before you go on a roller-coaster or a haunted mansion attraction. I’m hoping to run this knitting club as some sort of test, to see if I can do it as well as I think I can (vanity again), or if I have a really wild imagination. The next step would be to broaden the scope, either by changing the target group, or by changing the topic. Let’s see how it goes, but it really can only go great, right?

I did make them a promise I will need to keep… I did tell them they will become a knitting ninja, so maybe our first project should be black balaclavas and a sword holder?