Last week was an intense and interesting one. For one, I learnt a lot about myself, and confirmed as well that I know myself pretty accurately.
On Wednesday, someone was recording people at work, for an induction video for new starters. I know I have plenty of issues with being in front of a camera, whether it’s for a photo or for a video, but I volunteered nevertheless because, do one thing that scares you everyday and all that.
I recorded the first video, and I hated it. I thought I didn’t look too bad, and my voice wasn’t too terrible, but I could see I was way too nervous and uncomfortable, so I asked to film it again.
We went somewhere where there were no people around, and I recorded a new video. I was still a bit uncomfortable, but it felt much more natural.
At the end of the day, I volunteered to be filmed in the gym, because they also needed some footage for a wellbeing video.
That day, I decided to try the crow again, a yoga posture that has been eluding me since I tried yoga for the first time, ages ago. On that first time, we were doing yoga at Nike Town in Oxford Circus, and there were people walking around and watching us. It was my first time doing yoga ever, so when we tried the crow, I was terrified of falling down face first on the floor. I managed it for less than a second.
So there I was, all sweaty and tired (and pumped up!) from a tough workout, alone in the gym, and telling myself there’s no harm in trying, because anyway, I’m probably not going to make it anyway.
I learnt the crow is not only a matter of strength, which it is, but also of self-confidence and patience.
Very carefully, I placed my hands on the floor, and positioned my legs, knees on my arms, and lifted myself tentatively. No rush. I realised if I wanted to manage, I needed to lift myself up with a bit more energy, but not too much so as to not topple over. This is it, I told myself, and I pushed my body forward.
I trusted my arms to be able to lift my weight, my mind to know when to stop going forward, and found my centre of gravity. As with many things in life, once you figure out how to do it, the crow is super easy! It just requires concentration.
When my friend came back from her shower, I asked her to record it for me.
Exhibit 1 below.
On Thursday, we had a team away day, to learn about ourselves, find out about the other team members, and figure out a way of working together. It was a long and tough day, and at the end, I had a headache (the many porn star martinis had nothing to do with that!) but it was worth it.
As it turns out, I know myself. We had done a test before that day, and we only knew the results there and then. I am averse to taking control and leadership, and I hate having to be in charge of a team in which I have to decide who gets to do what. No surprises there! Also unsurprisingly, I am really into creative stuff, I like networking and teambuilding (as in always trying to get everyone to get along). I seem to be also quite sensitive, and an introvert, but then I’m a type A personality (go get them!).
Most of it didn’t surprise me, but what did take me by surprise was seeing how other people chose to present themselves. I guess the view others have of us is different from that which we have of ourselves. Interesting!
On Friday, I took part in a focus group for work. I tend to talk a lot at these things, mainly because I want things to be better, I want stuff to change and improve. At some point I thought I might have been chatting too much (that’s because of my networking inclination, it seems).
The whole week went by talking to people, making myself heard and socialising, which meant that by Friday evening I was drained.
On Saturday, after a lazy (and well deserved) morning, Brian picked me up and we went to Decathlon, to have my snowboard serviced. I was so happy when I peeked in through the car window and saw Karina sleeping in her chair. We the snowboard out of the way, and then went for a coffee. It was really cute to see Brian tricking Karina into thinking he was giving her banana muffin bites, when he was really feeding her the apple mash he had brought for her. After, he had to do some grocery shopping, so I got to carry her around. It was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done so far in my life. It’s one thing to hold a baby, but a very different thing to walk around while holding a baby. In a supermarket. Crowded with people. And while the baby is set on looking at the floor by bending her whole body. Terrifying, I’m telling you.
On Sunday, I went to see Beard, a free exhibition at Somerset House. I realised a while ago that I need to do more things on my own. If I have to wait for people, I would never do anything at all. On Sunday, despite having made plans, I ended up going to this exhibition on my own. I decided to have a walk, then go to see these photos, and then have a nice lunch. I would finish the day by paying a visit to Forbidden Planet.
The exhibition was nice, if small. Of course, seeing pictures of bearded men was interesting, but as usual, my inner photographer kicked in and marvelled at the quality of the photographs. One of the photos really caught my attention because you could see the texture of the clothing the man (Frank Moon) was wearing, you could almost touch it. It was good.
Also, Tim Howard has the most amazing eyes ever!
After that, I walked around trying to find a place to eat, and felt like there was nowhere at all. I didn’t want a burger or anything like that, so I just wandered around trying to find a place that called me. I ended up walking by the British Museum (and considering popping in for a bit). I was chatting with Andrea on WhatsApp and I was about to give up on food when I suddenly saw a Wagamama.
After lunch, I went to the comic book store, and then met Andrea for a tea (I even had a piece of cake!), and a chat. We then went to eat some tapas, and topped it off with a visit to an astrology shop for fun. All in all, it was a nice weekend… To top a good week.
It turns out no matter how confident we are, or how strong we seem, we all have our demons and we all need validation. We all crave our peers’ acceptance. I realised, over the past week, that even the people I admire feel weak at times, and there’s no fault in them for that, they’re just human, like me. I think what I need to remember is that we are all different, and we all have our different strengths. Sometimes, when I feel like nothing is going my way, or when I feel like I don’t fit in, I need to remember that I am enough, that I’m not at fault.
I finally bought a Kindle, and I already own a bunch of books. The first book I read was Fight Club, for the book club (I haven’t forgotten about the book club, I just haven’t had time to write up a proper review on Sophie’s World). The second book I’ve read was #GIRLBOSS. I heard about this book a while ago, and only now I finally decided to read it. It was surprisingly good. I read it in a couple of days. Even though it’s not part of the book club, I think I want to write about it at some point (hopefully before I forget about it) because there’s a lot in there about fitting in. Currently, I’m reading Quiet, a book about introverts, introverts living in a world for extroverts. So far, I’m liking it a lot (I’ll probably write about this one too).
What I’m trying to say here is that sometimes I forget who I am, and what I really love. Last week I was reminded. I’m glad I’m starting to go back to myself, little by little, and finding enjoyment in the things that have always made me happy, like reading 2-3 books a week. I don’t always have the time, of course, but I want to try to focus on what’s important for me.
I have a bunch of topics in my mind these days, and not enough time to write about all of them. I’ll do my best! In the meantime, how was your week? How is your week looking like?